fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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