you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
