I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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