Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
