you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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