Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
