i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
