bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
