if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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