I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
