i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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