It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
