she looked like the bat from fern gully.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
