Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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