Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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