I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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