Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
