Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
