I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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