Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
