Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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