Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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