i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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