Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
