Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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