Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
