I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Boobs are out for the taking
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
