If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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