i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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