I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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