im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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