and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
