fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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