I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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