By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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