She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
