dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
