I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
