i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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