i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
