I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
