Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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