I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I died a long time ago.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
