I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
