if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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