you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
