A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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