Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
