i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
