I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
