Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
